Self-Care for Moms is an Act of Protest: 3 Reasons Why Moms Matter
Self Care is an act of protest for moms - When moms prioritize their own mental health they are sending a powerful message to the world that they matter. That moms & women matter... And that makes others believe it as well. And that’s when change can happen.
This message is specifically for moms & non-binary parents — Taking care of yourself is a form of protest.
Seriously. Moms (including myself) need to change their mindset about what "self-care" means because taking care of yourself is not a luxury - it's a necessity.
It is important to remember that you are your own person, outside of your family. This can be difficult to do, especially if you have been raised to believe that the nuclear family is the only thing that matters. However, it is crucial to take care of yourself first and foremost. This doesn't mean that you should neglect your loved ones, but rather that you should remember that you matter just as much as they do. When you take care of yourself, it allows you to be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, worker, HUMAN, activist, etc.
Taking care of yourself requires effort and intentionality but it is so worth it. When you love and respect yourself enough to prioritize your own happiness, it has a ripple effect on those around you.
When moms prioritize their mental health *WE* are sending a powerful message to ourselves and the world that we matter. That moms & women matter. That makes others believe it as well. And that’s when change can happen.
Self Care for Moms Is Important for Work
With everything moms have going on - work, kids, stress, etc. - it's easy to let our mental health fall by the wayside. As a result, we are overworked and underappreciated.
You may have seen articles saying that moms are burning out at alarming rates. It's because we pulled so much of the mental load of the past two years. And many times, we have put ourselves last.
It's time for a change.
It's no secret that motherhood is one of the most demanding and challenging roles a woman can take on. From the moment we give birth, we are responsible for keeping another human being alive and safe. Often, this means putting our own needs aside to care for our children. While there is nothing wrong with sacrificing for our children, it's important to remember that we cannot pour from an empty cup.
So hear me out.
When we take care of ourselves, we're better able to take care of others. We have more patience, and the ability to prioritize ourselves— like doing the research to find a place to schedule a therapy appointment.
Or working at a job where we feel empowered. Or understanding that we don’t have to stay in toxic relationships because we understand that “we” matter.
Self Care for Moms Gives Us Time & Energy to Protest
Self-care also gives moms more time and energy to focus on protesting and fighting for things we care about, like organizing, helping the community, or researching candidates so they can vote with their values.
So next time you're feeling overwhelmed or exhausted, remember that taking care of yourself is an act of defiance – and one that will benefit everyone in your life. Making time for yourself and your own well-being is an important step in becoming the kind of person who can take care of others.
Self-care doesn't have to be a big production. It can be something as simple as taking 10 minutes out of your day to yourself - no kids, no husband, no work - and just doing whatever you want. Or take a walk around your block, making sure to look up and appreciate the beauty around you. Or read your favorite book with a cup of tea.
It means asking for help, especially during the hard times.
Self-care is not some niche or privileged idea. It's a way of life that everyone should practice, whatever their situation. If you think "I don't have time for self-care" I'd challenge you to reconsider that mindset.
When you are feeling practically overwhelmed, ask your kids to go to their room, put headphones on and just try to breathe for 5 minutes. Come back and address whatever overwhelmed you in the first place.
And sometimes it's bigger, like therapy or a longer-term commitment to something that addresses your specific issues - like finally making that doctor's appointment for yourself to address continuing headaches. Or a therapy appointment to talk about what's overwhelming you.
Yes, having the time & money to take care of yourself is a privilege. And it’s a privilege I want to see more moms & minorities get because we deserve it.
Especially new moms. They are going through a period in their life where they HAVE to focus on a small infant, all while healing from childbirth. This is where it is easy to start the habit of not taking care of yourself.
.. I know I didn’t.
Did you know that Self Care has a history rooted in activism?
1983: African-American writer, feminist, poet and civil-rights activist Audre Lorde (1934-1992) poses for a photograph during her 1983 residency at the Atlantic Center for the Arts in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. (Photo by Robert Alexander)
It’s true.
While the term was coined in the 50s by doctors, it because popular — and political in the 70s - from a black queen woman and the Black Panthers. Read more from this article on Teen Vogue: The Radical History of Self Care.
The popularity of the term was in part due to the political climate of the time. The idea of taking care of oneself, both physically and mentally, was something that was championed by many different groups and individuals. Self-care became a way to take control of one's own life and wellbeing, in a time when many felt like they had little control over their lives.
Self-care has been a political act since the 1970s, when the women's and civil rights movements brought it to the forefront. Through learning the history of self-care, we can see how it has been used as a tool for resistance and liberation.
In the 70s, self-care became politicized as a way for women to resist oppressive forces. The women's movement was focused on liberating women from patriarchal structures that limited their autonomy. One way they did this was by using self-care as a form of resistance. This meant taking care of themselves in ways that society said they shouldn't, like going to the doctor without their husband's permission or getting an abortion. Self-care allowed women to take control of their own bodies and lives, which was a radical act at the time.
The civil rights movement also made self-care political.
Black people were fighting for their right to live with dignity and respect. They demanded self-respect and refused to accept second-class citizenship. Part of this was taking care of themselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. This meant things like focusing on education, creating safe spaces for black people to gather, and providing mental health support within communities.
We see a lot of these same issues coming back up in 2022... This is why we are seeing a rise in the idea that self-care is still political today. In our current climate of anxiety and stress, many people are turning to self-care as a way to cope with the challenges of everyday life.
Because -- with social media -- and activists, we are starting to stand up and say -- WE MATTER.
Self care has always been about more than just pampering oneself. It is about taking control of one’s health and well-being, and making sure that one’s needs are being met in a way that is empowering. For women, especially moms and people of color, this has often meant fighting against a system that doesn’t always have their best interests at heart.
So, I'm Now a Published Author of a Children's Book
Randall the Blue Spider loves the ocean and the waves that go crash. Today, he wants to enter the surfing competition to win an ice cream prize, but he is nervous that he might fall in front of everybody watching him. With the help of his friend, Chester the Caterpillar, Randall learns how to cope with these difficult feelings and take his chances at winning.
Back in high school, I had a short bucket list. I knew I wanted to work in advertising, not live in the town I grew up in (Windsor, CA), and become a published author.
Other than that, I wasn’t really sure what my life would look like.
Now, just five months before I turn 40 years old… I will officially be a published author. Though, how it happened and the fact I co-wrote a children’s book with my two-year-old, I could have NEVER imagined.
The illustrated children’s book: Randall the Blue Spider Goes Surfing is for kids of all ages who love outdoor activities, bugs (spiders especially), ice cream, and friends. It's also for kids who aren't fans of bugs—just watch as Randall wins their hearts and spiders like him suddenly seem less scary. In addition to colorful, fun graphics, the book teaches children how to name their fears and overcome them by offering simple coping mechanisms…and lots of silliness!
Right now the children’s book is available on Amazon, but I am working with a few bookstores to have the book in physical stores (and planning some fun events this spring/summer as well), but for now, go to Amazon to purchase a copy for kids of all ages. :)
How Randall the Blue Spider Goes Surfing Book Become a Reality
Randall the Blue Spider Goes Surfing was written by Ryeson Bull when he was two years old. The family (me, Rye, and my husband, Jeff) were on a trip to Long Beach to see Ryeson’s grandpa, who was in the hospital due to a cycling accident. Ryeson wasn’t allowed in the hospital due to having cystic fibrosis. So we drove around while Jeff visited his dad. We went to our favorite ocean park in downtown Seal Beach and watched surfers clean their surfboards while playing on the swings. Ryeson wanted to know all about what they were doing — lil dude has ALWAYS been a curious one — so I told him.
After driving back to the hospital from the park, Ryeson started telling stories about how it would be funny to see a spider go surfing, but that it might be nervous if people were watching. Shana started to record her toddler’s musings in the parking lot of the hospital and Randall the Blue Spider Goes Surfing was born.
Three years later, while I was bedridden for a month and a half from anal cancer treatments during the summer of 2020, the book became a reality when I connected with Krista Huber, the owner of East 26th Publishing, a contemporary indie book publisher. After having to say goodbye to a few clients because of my cancer treatment and months of the pandemic, I was ready to pivot my career, and Randall came along at just the right time.
It really goes to show that even during the worse circumstances, you can push through. <3
Brady Lovell from Fat Tabby Studio is the illustrator — and fun fact, he is married to one of my college roommates - Andrew, who is an AMAZING baker.
Another Children’s Book Coming in the Future
I am beyond excited to see where this career pivot will take me. In fact, we have already written the second book in the Randall the Blue Spider & Friends book series. So stay tuned!
Top Spring and Summer Finds on Amazon
Loving Amazon for Spring Cleaning Supplies, Easter Brunch Dresses, Surprise Eggs, Sunglasses, Boots, and Even House Cleaning.
Today is the first day of summer - which means it is time to think about vacations, beach trips, and summer veggies at the farmers market and.. OF COURSE Rosé wine season in Sonoma County.
Here are some of my favorite things from Amazon right now...
On a whim, I bought these Aviator sunglasses a few years back and I can honestly say I still LOVE them. Yes, even after a few years with a toddler, grabbing everything in site! They are still GREAT!
Check out the ridge - no HOOKS to get stuck in your hair when you put your glasses on your head. This is what Oakley calls NO-SNAG nose pads. I mean!
Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?!?!
BBQs, Fourth of July celebrations...
The list goes on-and-on for needing a floral spring or summer dress either season.
Loving this one from Amazon for it's long sleeves and big blooms. I am JUST starting to get into color for the first time in my life.
You can't go around barfoot.. you are not 2 years old.
These ankle boots are perfect for outdoor parties, or wine tasting with friends!
Now that my toddler is 2.5 he is starting to understand holidays a bit more. By understand, I mean he is getting excited about the idea of eggs and Easter. This year we are skipping the candy and just getting him some surprize eggs (that's his new obsession on YouTube) with toy cars... And one with a small Darth Vader toy.
If you are like me, you need something to help motivate you to do spring cleaning. I usually only want a dustbuster like this one from BISSELL around Christmas when I have to clean up Christmas tree pine needles off the carpet for a month.... But this spring I decided I needed to grab a cordless vacuum to help clean up my dog hair (and toddler mess).
Did you know Amazon now has a house cleaning service? Order through their website and have a local team come clean out your home this Spring.
4 Ways Being a (Working) Mom Has Allowed Me to be More Productive
With less hours to work, I don’t stress the little details as much. I have learned to be more productive as a mom, by planning ahead & taking time off.
This year I am celebrating my 10-year anniversary of being a small business owner. 10 years of late nights, long hours, ups, downs, and everything in between. Before my toddler, Ryeson, came along 3 years ago, I didn't care about being productive... I would work all hours of the day with no thought about “work-life balance” – I mean, my job was in wine and food. It was all work and fun. Even when I started dating Jeff (my now husband), striking that balance wasn’t a priority. But after having Rye, we both knew we had to make several changes to how we balanced our work, our baby, and our own lives. Jeff works for an IT company, so he has the typical 8 - 5 job, but my hours have always been less rigid.
Forcing Myself to Put My Phone Down
I now make it a point to put my computer and phone down during family time. It's an ongoing struggle because my iPhone is basically my lifeline. It's how I create content for my clients, my grocery list, my baby monitor (so I can watch to see if Ryeson is wiggling around in his bed or sleeping), and my workout buddy (I love the SEVEN app). I am also a former social media addict, having been under the impression that if I didn’t respond to people RIGHT AWAY that I would somehow miss out on something exciting.
But, you know what? My business (and my life) hasn’t imploded since putting the phone down more. In fact, it's made me more efficient with my time. You know the saying about the goldfish and how they will grow to the size of the container they are in? Our businesses tend to do the same thing – but it takes work to get there.
Tips For Becoming More Productive As a Mom:
1. Set your hours. Especially as a small business owner. And stick to them.
Like I mentioned before, I used to work late into the night on my projects. With no time restraint, I would find myself rewriting a certain line in a press release over and over again, or stressing out about which word to use in a piece of content. Now that I have a finite number of hours based on when Ryeson is in school, I'm able to be OK with only writing something once or twice. I don’t stress about the little details as much because I don’t have the time. This doesn’t mean that I produce poorer quality – what it does mean is that I don’t stress out about it as much!
I like having a routine during the week. I drop Rye off at school. I come home and do a quick workout, then I make a smoothie or have breakfast. And then I get started with work. Before Rye goes to school, I don’t even check my email because I know I can’t get to it until later anyway. Now that I pick up Rye four days a week, I have a set time at which I have to stop working. And Jeff and I are working on not picking up our phones throughout the evening until after Rye has gone to bed.
2. Plan your goals ahead of time, and spend the first half of your day focused on your main priority before any little tasks.
Planning ahead is another way to ensure that your time is spent more efficiently. It’s essential that you spend a few minutes on a Friday or Monday morning and plan out the week ahead so that you know which goals are the most important for your business. Even more essential – making sure to set aside time first thing in the morning to get those goals done, before all the other fires or meetings derail you from your original goal.
3. Taking time off actually makes you a better worker (and parent).
When you're stressed, your work and family life suffer. It’s a simple fact. Taking time off to enjoy your family helps for a few different reasons. It lets you recharge and come back ready to jump headfirst into work. And, if you choose to go on a vacation during your time off, booking your travel gives you something to feel excited about! I just booked a 40th birthday celebration in Mexico for my husband and we are so excited; even though we’re three months out, just the anticipation of going is enough to give me something to look forward to.
4. Have a Plan B in place.
This is such an important one, because as parents we have to have a Plan B for when our kids are sick or there’s a smoke day and school is out. Just having an idea of how things could play out makes it a little easier. Talk out what a scenario would look like, so it’s not just you having to take off work every time.
Making sure I plan ahead definitely increases my efficiency while the toddler is in school. And because of that, I am simply better at my job. I may have less time, but I know how to use it more wisely. Being more productive with your time means finding what makes sense for you.
Creating Habits Leads to Long Term Change
These 4 minor changes have the ability to create habits for being more productive in your work and home lives. And just remember - take some time to reward yourself because becoming more productive as a mom (or any parent) is not an easy task in the beginning. But, it is soooo worth it!
Roundup of My Favorite Sonoma County Articles of 2018
A roundup of my personal favorite articles I have written this past year about wine, food, social media, music and mom life in Sonoma County.
This past year, I have spent over 300 hours writing (yes, I track ALL of my time working - even on projects for marketing myself, like this blog. Thank you HARVEST). 300+ hours spent in front of my computer, or on my phone - dictating or typing words. And, this estimate is JUST the writing I have done for actual articles and copywriting projects I have done. This doesn’t include the almost endless amount of emails, texts, and social media messages I write on an hourly basis for both work, and pleasure.
My Dream Of Becoming a Writer Has Come True
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. Honestly - I am not even sure where that idea came from. I think I may have seen it on a TV Show and it looked glamorous. In addition to talking in front of a jury all the time, I wanted to write a book. I wrote a lot of my own children’s books when I was younger. Taking inspiration from my own life, I authored and illustrated, everything from “My Dog Zack” to “Riding My Bike.” Little did I know, books with one sentence pages are GREAT toddler books!
30+ years later, I may only have half a book written - sitting in my Google Docs, safely hidden away from the world for over 4 years (someday I will get back to finishing it). BUT. I write for several Sonoma County publications on an ongoing basis - and a few national wine publications, but that is more sporadically.
Since it is the end of the year, and I am feeling sentimental, I want to share a round up of some of my favorite articles from the past year.
Rosé All Day: How to Add a Splash of Pink to Your Sonoma Life via Sonoma Magazine.
10 Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship in Sonoma County via Sonoma Magazine (my personal favorite is getting matching tattoos… But that's just because my husband and I have 2 - one a matching ampersand, and also I have a small spoon and he has a fork that we got for our 5 year wedding anniversary).
How to Survive: 4 Tips for Traveling with a Toddler via Wine Country Moms (inspired by our “vacation” to Long Beach with a 2 year old).How to Reset when You Feel Overwhelmed (Advice from Moms) via Wine Country Moms
Top 11 Wineries in California on Instagram via my own blog (this round up of some of my fave wineries to follow on social media did really well. I definitely want to write more like this in 2019).
I Wasn’t Bullied As A Child, But I Got Made Fun Of A Lot via my own blog (The MOST personal article I have written this year).
Instagram Engagement Hack via my own blog.
How I Spent my Vacation: Goal Planning for 2018 via my own blog (this vacation helped me plan out almost my entire year, and I am well on my way to blowing out all my goals!)
5-step social media action plan for business during a crisis via North bay Business Journal (I have 3 articles in the print version, but only one online as of now).
Looking Forward To More Writing In The Next Year
Looking into 2019, I have a lot planned for my online marketing classes and articles I want to write. I mean, I have lots to say! Here’s to creating even more content next year than I did this year (goal 350+ hours)!
The social media mom versus real life
We’ve all seen it: the perfect pictures on Instagram with someone using the hashtag #blessed. Or the gorgeous DIY second birthday party for a toddler, complete with crafts that belong in the pages of Martha Stewart or on Pinterest. You may know one of these moms in person, and secretly – or not so secretly – look up to them...or judge them. This is a blog post dedicated to real moms.
We’ve all seen it: the perfect pictures on Instagram with someone using the hashtag #blessed. Or the gorgeous DIY second birthday party for a toddler, complete with crafts that belong in the pages of Martha Stewart or on Pinterest. You may know one of these moms in person, and secretly – or not so secretly – look up to them...or judge them.
For the last ten years, I’ve made my living teaching others how to market their brands on social media. I’ve seen it all, from relationship building in the early days of Twitter, to Instagram pods to get more engagement on your own content, to Facebook organic reach basically going to zero. Ten years since the concept of “social media” was introduced to the general public (yes, websites like Myspace or Friendster were around, but I would say they were primarily for younger or more tech-savvy audiences than Facebook. I mean, my mom has been on Facebook since 2008. Not saying she knows how to use it, but...).
We are still learning how to deal with this new technology
We are now seeing trends of tablets being confiscated from toddlers in an effort to get them to want to play outside. Or of parents taking phones away from their kids because it has been shown that social media leads to depression amongst teenagers.
And guess what – depression because of social media impacts adults as well. Hello, FOMO! Life is not perfect. Not for ANY of us. No matter how much greener the grass looks on the other side, I can tell you first hand that it is not. What we sometimes don’t see is that the grass is only green on that one small patch that people take pictures of, and everything else around it is dried up, or just dirt – much like our own lives. The blogger going to free wine tastings or press events may be struggling financially, because free wine doesn’t pay the bills (I know this because I have tried in the past).
Being “authentic on social media” isn’t JUST a buzzword
Thankfully, there is also a movement on social media dedicated to sharing truths about being a parent and a real life human being (versus depicting only gorgeous, curated shots taken by a professional photographer). The Instagram hashtags like #assholeparent or #momtruth highlight the messiness of parenthood. Because, while parenthood is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, MUCH of the time it’s messy. I mean, I have a toddler. Everything is messy.
This blog post is dedicated to anyone who has had a hard time in public with their children and been told by someone else to “treasure every moment.” I’m here to tell you that it is perfectly OK to not treasure every moment, no matter what your situation is, because not all moments need to be treasured. And what is worthy of being deemed a “treasurable moment” is subjective, anyways. Maybe you are the type of mom who loves getting up at 4am with your toddler for no reason at all other than him simply wanting to watch Paw Patrol. Or maybe you love changing that second diaper, right after you put on all of their clothes and both shoes and are grabbing your keys to go out the door.
Living in the information age of parenting
One really good thing about social media is that you can get access to information quickly. Just one google search at 3am can return blog posts about topics you struggle with. You can get tips and tricks from others who have dealt with the same issues, and you’re able to read about topics like miscarriage, or sleep training, or getting your toddler to eat.
It has taken me two and a half years to get to a place where I realize that ALL parents have it rough, and that I am definitely not any different from that mom who looks like she has it all… Well, maybe she has better lighting for pictures.