I have been a new mom for just over a month. We have made it through our first trip to the grocery store, driving alone with him to the doctors office, and endless nights with a newborn. Motherhood is beautiful, but it also wears you down. And we are just getting started. I am still super new to this, but I do know that simply saying “CONGRATULATIONS” is the easiest thing to say to a new mom. You don’t have to comment on her weight (yup, one guy at the grocery store dared to say I looked like I never even had a baby.. And yes, it was creepy), or lack of sleep, or anything really. And on that note… there are 2 things I would recommend never saying to a new mom.
Two phrases I would like people to stop saying to me:
1. It will get easier.
2. Sleep when the baby sleeps.
At least one of us is sleeping.
It gets easier
WHEN??!?! Seriously. If you are going to tell me this, let me know when so I can create an advent calendar like I am waiting for Christmas! Ha! Ryeson isn't necessarily a super fussy baby, but he's a baby who cries, and whines, many times for apparently no reason at all. And just when we have a way to get him to calm down on a somewhat consistent basis, he changes his mind. Getting up every 2 to 3 hours at night, and revolving a schedule around when he eats are both definitely difficult.
I've heard the phrase "it will get easier" from many people while pregnant, as well as over the last six weeks. Though, no one really has an answer to when it will get easier, just that it will someday.
The most honest advice was from my friend Veronica who said "it doesn't really get easier, you just get used to sleeping less." I found this phrase to be very true, considering I am not a complete zombie at 5 PM like I was in the first few weeks.
So, it is getting better, because I'm getting more used to the routine, and - to be quite honest – my newborn is becoming more fun. He is starting to smile, be watchful, and make purposeful noises. He is more alert and it makes things more fun.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
During the first few weeks that I was home, I was so afraid of everything. I had an extra tiny baby, that wanted to be held constantly. And I wasn't sure how to properly hold him without feeling like I was going to drop him in any minute.
He always wanted to be held, so when I would put him down (after he fell asleep in my arms) it was a crapshoot – sometimes he would sleep four hours, sometimes half hour, sometimes he would wake right up when I put him down and start crying. The problem is that each time I would put him down I wouldn't know which sleeping newborn I would get.... So attempting to take a nap while he was asleep proved to be extremely difficult.
Going along with "it gets easier" I have learned to sometimes take cat naps while he is in my arms in bed, or laying right next me. I also learned that swaddling him and putting him in his rocker, sometimes tends to prolong his naps sometimes during the day.
* I had to add the word sometimes to both of these statements because it still is sporadic if I can fall asleep, or if he can stay sleep.
We are lucky parents
That being said – my husband and I are lucky (fingers crossed I'm not jinxing myself) that we have a very sleepy baby at night time. We actually have to set our alarm to feed him through the night, to get his weight up. And I'm up for an average of a half hour each time he wakes up. Those two hour chunks of sleep are the best feelings in the world.
Ok, other than seeing my newborn smile, or make a funny face right after I do.
So, moms… If someone says one of these two phrases to you, just remember - each baby is different, and you do WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO to get through the newborn phase, because “this too shall pass,” and while it may never get easier, YOU will get stronger.
