My Journey Through Early Menopause: What I Wish I’d Known
I was 38-years-old when I was thrown into menopause. Thanks to radiation treatments for anal cancer, my body was pushed into it suddenly—right at the beginning of the pandemic. Navigating cancer during a global health crisis was one thing, but being catapulted into menopause without any support from my doctors at Kaiser?
… That was a whole other nightmare.
My doctors did NOT warned me about the side effects of early menopause or how much it would mess with my body. I didn’t even know what perimenopause—the period when your body starts to show early signs of menopause, like irregular periods and hot flashes—was, let alone menopause. I had to figure that out on my own, and it took time to connect the dots. It took more time than it should have because I literally went to see a woman doctor at Kaiser to discuss menopause and treatments, and all she wanted to talk about was hot flashes. Never mentioning the LOOOOoooNnngG list of symptoms that are associated with the lack of estrogen in our bodies. I had to learn more about those on my own - from TikTok, which finally gave me the information to take to my doctors to see a doctor who could answer my questions finally.
When Menopause Comes Crashing In
So, here's what I’ve learned: Menopause before 40 is considered "early" or "premature menopause." If you’re like most women, you expect menopause to hit sometime in your 50s, but when it’s induced by cancer treatments like radiation or chemotherapy, it shows up fast, and it’s a different beast altogether. Research shows that going through menopause early can make your body age faster—by as much as nine years compared to women who go through it later.
Now, before menopause, there's perimenopause. Perimenopause is the time leading up to menopause when your hormones start to shift. You might notice irregular periods, hot flashes, mood swings, or trouble sleeping. Your body is basically sending you little hints that menopause is coming. But in my case, there was no “peri” phase; I went straight to the main event. And I didn’t realize how much it would affect my health until it was too late.
What I Went Through
With zero prep and my hormones in freefall—estrogen, testosterone, you name it—my body felt like it was in open revolt. Here’s a closer look at what I went through:
Fatigue and Brain Fog: For me, this was the biggest and most concerning symptom of menopause. I was genuinely worried that I would never be able to work again or feel like myself. There were moments where I’d be staring at my own hand, and I couldn’t remember the word for it. The word would be right there on the tip of my tongue, but it just wouldn’t come to me. Concentrating on work was almost impossible. At the time, I thought this cognitive decline was due to my cancer treatments. I had no idea that it was actually from a lack of estrogen in my brain due to menopause.
Since it was during the pandemic, I wasn’t seeing many people, but I spent most of my days asleep, thinking that might be the rest of my life. Thankfully, once I started hormone replacement therapy, I felt better. But I know this will be a lifelong challenge. I have to manage it with healthy habits: exercising, eating well, getting good sleep, and keeping my brain engaged through social activities.
Bone and Joint Pain:
The bone and joint pain didn’t hit immediately; it crept in a few years after my treatments. My hips and other joints were constantly achy, a dull discomfort that seemed to settle in. For a while, I found myself avoiding certain activities, like climbing stairs or carrying heavy groceries.
But over time, I’ve worked myself back into better habits—hiking, daily mobility exercises, and strength training. Still, this is something that’s going to impact me for the rest of my life. I’m working on it now, but it’s not something that just goes away.
Heart Health Concerns:
Heart health is a big issue for many people in menopause, but thankfully, it’s not something I’ve experienced yet. I didn’t have symptoms like dizziness, headaches, or palpitations, but I’m definitely concerned moving forward. I’m only 43, but it already feels like I’ve aged ten years from the cancer treatments, pandemic stress, and being thrown into menopause. I worry about what the future holds if I don’t stay proactive.
Mood Changes and Anxiety:
For me, it wasn’t really about mood swings; it was more of a constant, heavy feeling—like I was just not excited about anything. It was less about snapping at people or having emotional outbursts, and more about feeling totally drained and uninterested in everything. It was relentless.
Honestly, it was all-consuming until I found the right doctor. She was the first one to really explain what was happening with my body. Instead of just talking about hot flashes—because, by the way, mine completely stopped once my body adjusted—she helped me understand that hot flashes are like our body’s initial alert system that something is wrong. Once I found the right treatment and got on hormone replacement therapy, things started to improve.
Finally, a Doctor Who Listened
For over a year after my cancer treatments, I was stuck in this fog with no answers. Kaiser didn’t give me any direction on how to handle menopause, much less the symptoms that come with it. I finally found a doctor who listened—really listened—and suggested hormone replacement therapy (HRT). She explained that my body needed hormones it suddenly lost.
One day on estrogen and testosterone, and I felt like I’d just chugged an espresso after a year in a caffeine-free zone. My brain cleared, my mood lifted, and my body didn’t feel like a stranger’s anymore.
Educating Myself and Spreading the Word About Perimenopause & Menopause
Since then, I’ve made it my mission to learn about menopause and to speak up, not just for myself but for other women. Here’s the reality: Most doctors aren’t trained to manage menopause or don’t consider it a priority. If I hadn’t pushed and kept searching, I’d still be wandering around in that fog, exhausted and clueless. But now I am using my platform to speak up about menopause and listening to our bodies.
What You Should Know about Menopause
When it comes to navigating menopause, you quickly learn that what got you here won’t necessarily get you to the next chapter. The old routines—what you ate, how you exercised, or how you dealt with stress—might not cut it anymore. Menopause changes the game, so you need to change with it. Here’s what I’ve learned about adapting and thriving through this quick transition (but for most, its a long, slow transition):
Learn the Basics: Understand what menopause and perimenopause actually mean. Perimenopause can start years before actual menopause, with symptoms like hot flashes, mood changes, and irregular periods. Talk to your friends—many are going through it, too. Dive into TikTok or Instagram where real women share their stories and practical tips. Write down questions as they come to you and bring them up with your doctor. Knowing what’s happening in your body is the first step to dealing with it. And don’t settle for vague answers.
Find a Doctor Who Gets It: Not all doctors are up to speed on menopause, and some may dismiss your symptoms or act like you just have to live with them. Newsflash: you don’t. Find a healthcare provider who takes menopause seriously, listens to you, and understands that your experience is real and valid. Sometimes this means switching doctors or even seeking out specialists in women’s health or menopause care. Remember, you're the customer here—don’t be afraid to shop around.
Look Into Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT): For many women, HRT can be a game-changer, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. If it’s safe for you (i.e., you don’t have a history of breast cancer in your family, etc), HRT can help balance the hormones that are causing chaos in your body. The key is finding a knowledgeable doctor who can personalize the therapy to your needs and monitor your progress closely. HRT is a big decision, so make sure you get all the facts and weigh the benefits and risks carefully.
Speak Up: Don’t be afraid to talk openly about what you’re going through. Ask questions, demand clear answers, and keep pushing until you get them. Share your experiences with your friends who are in perimenopause or approaching it. It’s incredible how much we learn from each other when we’re honest and open. Many of us are in the same boat, and the healthcare system often leaves us to figure it out alone—so let’s make sure we’re helping each other.
Healthy Living: Adapting to the New Normal:
Healthy living looks different in menopause. What used to work might not be enough now. Here are some steps I’ve taken to adjust my lifestyle and feel better:
Revamp Your Diet: Your body’s needs change with menopause. Focus on foods rich in calcium and vitamin D to protect your bones, and eat more fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Cut back on processed foods and sugar, which can trigger hot flashes and weight gain. Staying hydrated is crucial, especially if you’re dealing with hot flashes.
Stay Active, but Smart: Regular exercise is non-negotiable. But, if you’re like me and suddenly find that intense workouts leave you feeling wiped out, it’s time to adjust. Aim for a mix of strength training, cardio, and low-impact exercises like yoga or Pilates. These can help with bone density, heart health, and managing mood swings.
Prioritize Sleep: Good sleep is harder to come by in menopause, but it’s also more important than ever. Try creating a bedtime routine—no screens an hour before bed, a cool and dark room, and maybe some calming activities like reading or meditation. If sleep problems persist, talk to your doctor about other options.
Manage Stress: Menopause can mess with your mood, and high stress only makes it worse. Find what calms you—whether it’s walking, meditation, breathing exercises, or a creative hobby—and make it a part of your daily routine. Stress reduction isn’t just nice to have; it’s a must-have for your overall health.
Know Your Numbers: Regularly check your blood pressure, cholesterol, and bone density. Menopause can impact these areas, so keep track and make sure you’re on top of any changes. Don’t wait for a problem to pop up—stay proactive about your health.
Don’t Stay in the Dark When It Comes to Your Body
Now at 43, I’m still dealing with the effects of early menopause, but I’m not in the dark anymore. I’m learning how to take care of myself and trying to help other women avoid the same pitfalls. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we have to advocate for ourselves. Don’t wait for someone else to fight your battles—take charge of your health, because no one knows what you need better than you.
Sources:
American Heart Association. (2016). Menopause and Heart Disease.
Maki, P. M., et al. (2019). Menopause and Cognitive Decline: The Role of Estrogen. Journal of Women’s Health.
U.S. National Library of Medicine. (2018). Early Menopause and Bone Health.
The more we talk about menopause and perimenopause, the less we have to suffer in silence. It’s not just an ending; it’s a change—and with the right support, it doesn’t have to be scary.
